my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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