There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
