I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
