I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
