She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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