Swine flu. Run for my life!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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