I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
