Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
