You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My cat gives me a boner
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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