I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
