Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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