I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
