roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
