We're like a lot better than the average bears
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
