Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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