that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize