Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
