If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
