I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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