tonight lets celebrate not being married
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What drink are we having for lunch?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
