Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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