I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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