One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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