i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
