he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
