Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
