Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
operation have a gay friend backfired
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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