im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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