idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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