i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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