How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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