On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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