I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
