u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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