That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
