I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
