Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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