Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
