Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
