My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
