there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
