I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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