Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
