I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
