its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
