I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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