just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
someone owes me an orgasm
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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