I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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