I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
