I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize