go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
