The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
