I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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