There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
be right there i have to get my cape
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