I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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