YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
