You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
