Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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