i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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