I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
