dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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