Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
