pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
